So my friend Sean Raposo posted the most amazing thing ever on his blog, and I decided to rip it off and put it on my blog too... because it's amazing. So FULL credit to him, and the e-mail that he got it from, but please do enjoy it:
Below are the 12 things the man in your life/family wants you to remember during the World Cup 2010:
1. From June 11th to July 11th, 2010, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I won’t have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell on the floor....It won’t happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the half time scores is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again, many times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights on Sportsnet, Sports Centre, The Score, or any other news channel every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?" because, the reply will be, "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, FA Cup, etc.
Thank you for your cooperation.
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Below are the 12 things the man in your life/family wants you to remember during the World Cup 2010:
1. From June 11th to July 11th, 2010, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I won’t have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell on the floor....It won’t happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the half time scores is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again, many times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights on Sportsnet, Sports Centre, The Score, or any other news channel every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?" because, the reply will be, "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, FA Cup, etc.
Thank you for your cooperation.
In 2002, Italy and Spain were tragically eliminated from the World Cup in subsequent knock-out rounds by one of the hosts, the *very* unlikely semi-finalist, South Korea. I wouldn't have bet a PENNY on this happening.
After that tragedy, I've teamed up with a certain Anthony Prochilo and come through on a number of predictions, quite consistently, every two years. We started humbly -- with a warning of a Greek tragedy. All we said in 2004 for the Euros was "Watch out for the Greeks," but hell, they shocked even us when they won the whole damn tournament. Well done.
In 2006, I was convinced. So was Anthony. Italy was going to win the World Cup and not even a German SS firing squad could stop them. Germany's soccer team couldn't either. Italy won the tournament and we went ballistic. Not only were we right, but our team won. I will never be able to describe the joy we felt at that moment.
Still 2006, but when the partying stopped, Anthony and I sat in reflection. I claimed that Germany would win the 2008 European Championships. Anthony placed all his eggs in the Spanish basket. Our consensus was that the final would be Spain-Germany.
When 2008 finally came, Anthony and I went to Austria & Switzerland to watch the Euros for ourselves... perhaps not believing that the TV would tell us the truth when we witnessed yet another prediction pan out our way. Sure enough, the final was Spain-Germany. Spain won it... 1-0.... close enough for us to both be satisfied with our 2-year old guesses.
On the plane ride back, Anthony and I drew up another consensus.
The winner of the 2010 World Cup will be:
England.
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After that tragedy, I've teamed up with a certain Anthony Prochilo and come through on a number of predictions, quite consistently, every two years. We started humbly -- with a warning of a Greek tragedy. All we said in 2004 for the Euros was "Watch out for the Greeks," but hell, they shocked even us when they won the whole damn tournament. Well done.
In 2006, I was convinced. So was Anthony. Italy was going to win the World Cup and not even a German SS firing squad could stop them. Germany's soccer team couldn't either. Italy won the tournament and we went ballistic. Not only were we right, but our team won. I will never be able to describe the joy we felt at that moment.
Still 2006, but when the partying stopped, Anthony and I sat in reflection. I claimed that Germany would win the 2008 European Championships. Anthony placed all his eggs in the Spanish basket. Our consensus was that the final would be Spain-Germany.
When 2008 finally came, Anthony and I went to Austria & Switzerland to watch the Euros for ourselves... perhaps not believing that the TV would tell us the truth when we witnessed yet another prediction pan out our way. Sure enough, the final was Spain-Germany. Spain won it... 1-0.... close enough for us to both be satisfied with our 2-year old guesses.
On the plane ride back, Anthony and I drew up another consensus.
The winner of the 2010 World Cup will be:
England.
Now I could sit here and explain the reasoning, but really what's the use. Nothing can ever justify why things happen in soccer - they just do.
We also concluded that Argentina would be finalists, and the final itself would be one of the most epic battles of all time... but that Lionel Messi would NOT be walking away with the cup this time - sorry to break it to you Diego.
England will beat Ivory Coast in their semi final and Argentina will beat Spain.
Hey, it might not play out exactly like this but if it does, just remember who told you so ;)
If you've ever been to a funeral you will know that it seems like the only time a person is able to gather everyone he or she knows in a single place, for a single event, is when he or she is in the casket. Isn't it sad that a lifetime gathering acquaintances is wasted when the best party that can be achieved through those connections is marred by tears of sadness and mourning?
I have a proposal. Why not turn tradition on its head and do something completely crazy and uncalled for. Add something to your bucket list that will make you different from everyone else. Throw a party, at some point in your later middle ages or early senior years. Rent a banquet hall and invite EVERYONE you know. Call it a "Going Away Party" and tell your guests that they can bring friends. Party like you'll never party again. Take lots of pictures; dance up a storm, and don't stop till it's 6 in the mornin'. Enjoy life.
no?
I have a proposal. Why not turn tradition on its head and do something completely crazy and uncalled for. Add something to your bucket list that will make you different from everyone else. Throw a party, at some point in your later middle ages or early senior years. Rent a banquet hall and invite EVERYONE you know. Call it a "Going Away Party" and tell your guests that they can bring friends. Party like you'll never party again. Take lots of pictures; dance up a storm, and don't stop till it's 6 in the mornin'. Enjoy life.
no?
Do you believe in fate? That everything that happens, happens for a reason? Do you believe that if you behave in accordance with the teachings of (insert ambiguous religious or political figure here) that good things will come?
Have you answered yes to all of the above?
If you did, you are a hypocrite.
Well okay, let me take three steps back before I drag you along for this marathon. Perhaps it is me that is the hypocrite. I pretend to know better than to lose myself among the controversial arguments of competing religions - but admittedly, it's not like I have the solution either way. All I have is some time to think. A room of my own, if you will. If I were female that would have sounded better.
So, fellow hypocrite, explain to me how it is possible for a person to believe in fate, but also in their own power to make decisions and live life. Having been brought up Catholic, I've been exposed to many Christian teachings throughout my childhood. My most recent experience came at a funeral, where the priest preached a very good thing and a very bad thing. I feel like I'm conducting a session of "Good Idea, Bad Idea," so I'll just roll with it.
Good Idea: To understand that life is not over at death; it is changed.
Bad Idea: To believe that the goal of life is to reach the afterlife, and that once we have gotten there, we will have fulfilled our purpose.
Are you then telling me that our sole purpose in life is be 'good' so that we can be rewarded by God with this amazing and incredible promised land (heaven). Is that how selfish we are - that we attribute our entire existence to being rewarded? Methinks there could be something we are overlooking here. Life on Earth ain't so bad, even at the worst of times, why must we constantly be concerned with how green the grass is on the other side? What if there is no other side? What if the other side is as made up as the misery that we are led to believe we are constantly battling?
But going back to the fate thing: All of you who think that our destiny is predetermined - that our life experiences are a product of some cosmic storyline that has yet to be played out - you are robbing humanity of its agency. You are not just claiming, you are SCREAMING out that we are not rational, responsible, active beings... we are just actors. If fate really does have a place in this universe, then NONE of our actions are a result of our own volition. We have been written into life, like a script. Is our creator so cruel, to give us both consciousness and to staple our feet to the traintracks of life simultaneously?
No, I think not. And please, please don't try to justify your faulty belief system by claiming that you can change your fate because then you are no longer a hypocrite - you have, at that point, transcended the boundaries into the land of imbeciles and other incorrigible souls.
I guess the point of this blah blah blah is that I don't feel as though I am an actor. I don't feel as though my life is connected to some universal xbox, where my actions hinge upon the directions relayed to me through a controller or joystick. I am an active, rational, and intelligent human being. I can think, I like to think, and I only act after having thought. My own conclusion is that no one controls me but me, and I am the author of my own fate. The dude with the joystick up in the clouds controls all the external stuff. The obstacles, the challenges, the really crappy moment, and the big breaks or strokes of luck that many of us refuse or are incapable of recognizing. I believe that it's my job to adapt and to survive -- not to pray for salvation. I depend on no one, but I will remain respectful and I will work for the benefit of humanity because I believe that in bettering others I am bettering myself. If all of us were to take up this cooperative outlook on life none of us would have to be hypocrites in thinking that we are selfless because we go to church or political rallies and halfheartedly follow the teachings of our saviour.
Reality check: if you believe in a saviour then you want to be saved, which means you are selfish. Go help someone in need; be THEIR saviour. YOU are the one that wrote the script of your own life thus far so don't be afraid to add some stage directions to it as it plays out... Continue Reading
The Record Skips
rolling, tumbling, down down down.
the climb was tough, but not the crown.
i fall, i fall - the record skips
the beating of the drum
blinding light
the sun.
running, flying, left left left.
my heart was the victim of your reckless theft.
i fall, i fall - the record skips
the beating on your brain
through ur chest
the rain.
pulling, taking, away away away.
the thought is gone, but you could stay.
i fail, i fail - the record skips
the beating of the plight
before you
the night.
pushing, striving, "bar bar bar".
you laughed, you mocked, but you lost the war.
i fail, i fail - the record skips
the beating with the sword
pierce your soul
your word.
